At long last, the oft-promised and long-awaited post. In this episode, our two heroes (with cameos from Dan, John, and Timmy) experience not one but two adventures as they venture into the wide world outside of the Vintage office, and even (gasp!) get to talk to a girl.

Adventure One: Off For Pizza

One Saturday night Dan Anderson, fellow Vintage staff member and mutual friend of Scott and me, had the strongest possible desire for a Little Caesar’s pizza. Alack! neither he, nor Scott, nor I had a vehicle to transport us to the source of such pizzas. And so Scott and I braved the unknown dangers of the outside world and left not only the Vintage office but even the campus of BJU itself. (Please note that Dan remained safe within the Alumni Building, for some reason which I am still unable to understand.)

As we cautiously left the front gate of BJU and ventured into the darkness, Scott and I found that our fears were quite unfounded. People were actually quite kind and friendly to us. For example, as we were walking down the sidewalk, one kind gentlemen leaned out of his Jeep that had stopped at a red light and called out to us. The exchange went something like this:

Kind gentleman: Hey, Bob Jones!

Scott: To Lincoln. Is he talking to us?

Lincoln: To the kind gentleman. Greetings, kind gentleman. How are you?

Kind gentleman: Hey, Bob Jones!

Lincoln: I’m sorry, sir, but I believe that you have mistaken my friend Scott and me for Dr. Bob, the chancellor of our University, interestingly enough called Bob Jones University. Since our University is the “opportunity place,” I’m sure that you could meet him if you were to. . .

Unfortunately at that point in the conversation the light turned green and the Jeep roared away, so Scott and I are concerned that he might still be confused as to the identity of Dr. Bob. (By the way, we did eventually get a pizza. And again, for reasons that are inexplicable to me, Dan, who stayed in the Alumni building, ate most of it.)

Adventure Two: Off to the Mall

Not many days later, several friends were hanging around the office. “Let’s go to the mall,” said one of them. “No,” quoth I. “Hey, good idea,” said another. “No,” quoth I. “Let’s make him go” said the third. “No,” quoth I, as I was bound and carried off to a van and hence to the mall. And so, John, Timmy, Scott, and I found ourselves wandering through the mall, forsaking our academic principles.

The next day, I sat in chapel, still slightly dazed from the experience. A young lady, not unattractive and yet unfamiliar to me, stopped to ask me a question: “Hi. Did I see you at the mall last night?”

Pause the narrative. Perhaps at this point in the story, an explanation might be helpful. If at any other time in my life someone had asked me that question, I would have ignored her and assumed that she was talking to the person next to me. If someone asked me that question and there was no one else nearby within a thousand yards, I would have ignored her and assumed that she was talking to her imaginary friend. But that morning, circumstances were different.Restart the narrative.

“Umm, uh, ahhh, maybe, I, ummm, what I mean is, ahh . . . yes.” I was too stunned by the question to think of any of the suave responses that I had practiced in case a not unattractive girl should stop by to talk to me. And so I mumbled. “Oh, okay,” she replied (perhaps with a tinge of disappointment upon finding me to be an inarticulate non-frequenter of malls).

I wish there was more to the story, but that’s it. Chalk it up as another opportunity blown by my lack of suave-ness. Okay, fine. It wasn’t another opportunity; it was the first opportunity I’ve ever had. Still, I blew it.

Nevertheless, Scott and I have plans to go to the mall this Saturday.

Disclaimer: Please note that this weblog makes no pretensions to truth. Any truths, half-truths, or resemblances to truth found in it are accidental.